Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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