do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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