I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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