And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
