theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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