Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm both gender and math confused
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize