My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
