Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize