I would go down on you faster than GM stock
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
