Why are handjobs necessary in class?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize