sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
