I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
