it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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