A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
