i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
