I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize