I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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