i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
pop tarts are not kleenex
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
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