Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
