WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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