There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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