What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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