can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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