I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
