I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
