they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize