Me. At least after what I've been through.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
