Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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