I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
