Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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