Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
