I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
