I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
