I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Terrible idea I love it
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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