hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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