If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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