Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
