I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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