u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
