god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
