Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
