if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
