no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
