Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
