its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
