dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
