I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize