My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
