I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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