I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
