I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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