If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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