I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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