Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
