I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
