i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
