Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
