You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
