So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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