Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
