Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
