Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
