Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
