i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
