if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
