I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
