I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
