last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
