Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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