My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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