apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
