I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
as a side note pls kill me
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize