goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
