Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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