I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
