I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
