well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
