Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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