guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Do vagina's smell?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Randomize
