Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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