Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
only you would photoshop your dick
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
