If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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