I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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