i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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