It's Friday. Sex?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
