I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
