Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
