Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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