so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
