fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
