My hand turned me down
I just cut my nipple shaving
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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