Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
