Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
