Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
