I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
