I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
