I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
what day is it and did you see me today?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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