We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Actions speak louder than pants.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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