He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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