She said her name was "party"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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