I need help removing her.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
