i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
