Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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