I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
