a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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