i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
