At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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