you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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