the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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