Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
